Life is incredibly, ridiculously, ironically funny sometimes, don't you think? I was so keyed up to begin writing again on this old blog, but life just took my by the boot straps and said "Nope hon, you are going with me. And get your coat, 'cuz it's gonna get blustery."
Now remember two posts ago when I said that HotelChain released me from my
restraints job? Initially, I was so happy about that. Really, I was. And to be honest, I still am thrilled to be away from the insanity that HotelChain can rain down upon one's soul. But I never really considered how difficult it would be to purge 8 years worth of emotions associated with that place. For eight years, I always knew that no matter what, I had a job...not the best job, but a job. I built relationships within the HotelChain and outside of the HotelChain that seemed to be held together because of the HotelChain. So when I saw myself left with no more HotelChain, all of a sudden, I felt as though it all was being swept away from me. The friendships, the comfort, and my dignity. This, my friends, has not been an easy pill to swallow. It's one thing to choose not to work...it's another to not have a choice.
One would think that with the free time associated with not having to work and not having any other major responsibilities (namely, children), I would have knit myself into a warm and fuzzy little comfort zone, complete with padded room for the truly insane days. But no. And I really started to ask myself, has my mojo been sucked away too? I know it's been dwindling in the past few months, but I never considered it completely gone, because I still stalked patterns, yarn, and blogs without hesitation. But for sometime, even those things weren't as sparkly and bright to me as they once were.
So I didn't feel like knitting as much, but why not write, and possibly, look for inspiration, in my own words? Up until very recently, I have not been able to answer that question. It seemed that blogging was so very important to me for a time there, with the exception of some major life blips. But in the last few months, I have found it painfully hard just to sit down and leave a comment on your blogs, let alone write an entry for myself. And please understand that I don't mean to exaggerate writers' block and the such. This is not the sort of issue I was having. I am the sort of person who has generally found it pretty easy to form thoughts and ideas and express them in words, both written and spoken.
Over the last few months, Mr Wonderful and I had noticed a change in my ability to formulate and express thoughts. It seemed as thought I was constantly fishing for the easiest of words and expressions, and easily forgetting what I had just been saying. At first we chalked it up to stress and thought it would go away. But in the back of my mind, I knew something was wrong. I considered a brain tumor (yes, I jumped right to that theory, because...why the heck not), but when my rational self took over, I knew that if I had a tumor, it would have shown up in a recent MRI. So, hmmm...what could it be? Then, a couple of days ago, I ran across an ad for Topamax, a medication I take to help keep my migraines away and thought I'd read through the 'side effects.' Yep, there I found it. It basically said that some people taking the medication have difficulty concentrating, formulating thoughts and recalling words. Wow. That's me.
So here we are today. I've been emailing my doc and we are cutting back on the meds, because well, I need to be able to communicate, right? Immediately, I can feel the difference, hence the desire to write today...and write a lot. Good news. I have a new job too. I work for a yoga company, selling merchandise. We train instructors in our style of yoga that is truly for EVERY BODY. I am loving it so far. I even participated in my first level of instructor certification. How great is that?
And finally, in all of the chaos that has been going on, Mr Wonderful and I are purchasing a new home! Life, after all this is over, can we slow down a bit so maybe I can knit again?