Knitaholics R Us

On Muses and Mojos...All Lost and Possibly Found

Life is incredibly, ridiculously, ironically funny sometimes, don't you think?  I was so keyed up to begin writing again on this old blog, but life just took my by the boot straps and said "Nope hon, you are going with me.  And get your coat, 'cuz it's gonna get blustery."

Now remember two posts ago when I said that HotelChain released me from my restraints job?  Initially, I was so happy about that.  Really, I was.  And to be honest, I still am thrilled to be away from the insanity that HotelChain can rain down upon one's soul.  But I never really considered how difficult it would be to purge 8 years worth of emotions associated with that place.  For eight years, I always knew that no matter what, I had a job...not the best job, but a job.  I built relationships within the HotelChain and outside of the HotelChain that seemed to be held together because of the HotelChain.  So when I saw myself left with no more HotelChain, all of a sudden, I felt as though it all was being swept away from me.  The friendships, the comfort, and my dignity.  This, my friends, has not been an easy pill to swallow.  It's one thing to choose not to work...it's another to not have a choice.

One would think that with the free time associated with not having to work and not having any other major responsibilities (namely, children), I would have knit myself into a warm and fuzzy little comfort zone, complete with padded room for the truly insane days.  But no.  And I really started to ask myself, has my mojo been sucked away too?  I know it's been dwindling in the past few months, but I never considered it completely gone, because I still stalked patterns, yarn, and blogs without hesitation.  But for sometime, even those things weren't as sparkly and bright to me as they once were.

So I didn't feel like knitting as much, but why not write, and possibly, look for inspiration, in my own words?  Up until very recently, I have not been able to answer that question.  It seemed that blogging was so very important to me for a time there, with the exception of some major life blips.  But in the last few months, I have found it painfully hard just to sit down and leave a comment on your blogs, let alone write an entry for myself.  And please understand that I don't mean to exaggerate writers' block and the such.  This is not the sort of issue I was having.  I am the sort of person who has generally found it pretty easy to form thoughts and ideas and express them in words, both written and spoken. 

Over the last few months, Mr Wonderful and I had noticed a change in my ability to formulate and express thoughts.  It seemed as thought I was constantly fishing for the easiest of words and expressions, and easily forgetting what I had just been saying.  At first we chalked it up to stress and thought it would go away.  But in the back of my mind, I knew something was wrong.  I considered a brain tumor (yes, I jumped right to that theory, because...why the heck not), but when my rational self took over, I knew that if I had a tumor, it would have shown up in a recent MRI.  So, hmmm...what could it be?  Then, a couple of days ago, I ran across an ad for Topamax, a medication I take to help keep my migraines away and thought I'd read through the 'side effects.'  Yep, there I found it.  It basically said that some people taking the medication have difficulty concentrating, formulating thoughts and recalling words.  Wow.  That's me.

So here we are today.  I've been emailing my doc and we are cutting back on the meds, because well, I need to be able to communicate, right?  Immediately, I can feel the difference, hence the desire to write today...and write a lot.  Good news.  I have a new job too.  I work for a yoga company, selling merchandise.  We train instructors in our style of yoga that is truly for EVERY BODY.  I am loving it so far.  I even participated in my first level of instructor certification.  How great is that?

And finally, in all of the chaos that has been going on, Mr Wonderful and I are purchasing a new home!  Life, after all this is over, can we slow down a bit so maybe I can knit again?

Nothin' But Knit

I realize that you wouldn't know this by my blog, but I am alive and didn't die of some rare and unusual form of a cold.  I am well, physically at least.  There are some (**cough, cough** Mr Wonderful) that may agree that while my physical health is no longer a concern, my mental health is up for debate.  I am, dear readers, sorry for the absence.  I've been in a fog of jumbled thoughts lately, none of which have been quite able to make the jump from brain to blog.  And while I am still in a bit of an overwhelming haze, I can share a couple of things to tie you over, if you will.

• I am pretty much over HotelChain.  And actually, I have been for quite some time.  And old co-worker just told me that once your fire is gone, it's time to move on.  Quite right.  So with that being said, I am on the job prowl.  I have something in the works, but I can't share any more just yet.  Don't wanna jinx it, you know?
• I am totally knitting.  No pictures for proof, but trust me.  I knat up the Tweed Beret from the latest IK for my cousin, but it came out way too small.  Like, it might be too small for my six year old niece.  So bummed...Haven't frogged it yet, but I will and start anew.  In the meantime, I was able to whip up some Fetching mitts for a holiday gift.  I squeezed one whole pair out of one ball of Debbie Bliss Cashmerino Aran.  Which leaves me a whole other ball to play with.  Yay for me!

Otherwise, I am busy for the holidays.  I've been a homemade-goodie-researching fool.  I mean, these are def on the list.  How cute!  And my Lord, I really have to make these, although they may get eaten before they make it into the gift baskets.  In the words of Rachael Ray, YUM-O!

Pics and more updates soon.  Just lemme get through this week, k? 

BTW, I am totally keeping current with all of your blogs, even if I haven't been commenting!  Lots of exciting stuff going on...

Nice Things

Sooo... I am still knitting away on the entrelac sucks balls in two colors Danica scarf and a progress shot will be completely boring (just imagine it longer).  I've decided to take after Star in a version of "If You Can't Say Something Nice About Your Job..."  So, here are ten nice things I can say about my job.

1. The caf has free cereal.  Fruit Loops, my friends.  All.Day.Long.  Jealous, right?

2. My office mate, Panda, is seriously the best office mate ever.  I mean, how many of your co-workers would be get up at 5am to meet you at the gym for an indoor cycling class only for it to be cancelled without prior notice...twice.  Oh, and believe me when I say that our "water cooler" conversation could make even a proctologist blush.

3. Getting paid to drink liquor.  Sometimes.  Like at training.  Or at client events. Or at my desk at 11 am with the door closed.  Ok, I am lying about the last one, but I have thought about it on a number of occasions.

4. Sometimes, if I am really good that quarter and book over a million dollars in revenue for my HotelChain, I get a gross bonus of about $1000, but really nets to only about $550.  Yea me!

5. I get discounts at hotels associated with said HotelChain.  Except that I work in a hotel, and I hate hotel rooms and don't ever stay in a hotel. But, at least I get to play travel agent for my family who gets to use my discount too.

**this isn't easy people...nice things are hard to think of**

6. I have a good boss.  He's funny.  VERY funny.  And random.  He can't remember where his 2 pm meeting is, but he can quote lines from such quality media, such as Anchorman, I'm Gonna Get You Sucka, and The Family Guy.  Oh, and his favorite saying as of late?  "F- You, You F-ing F-." He!  In addition, he is not a micro-manager and I am able to look at a hell of a lot of knitting content on the Internets without getting caught.  Oh, and he always jangles his keys in his pocket when he walks by, so that gives me plenty of time to switch screens on my computer.

7. Sometimes, when he's bored, Mr Wonderful calls me at work and tries to disguise his voice while he proceeds to ask me if we rent rooms by the hour.  And if we do, he's like to rent a few.  I always know it's him and it always makes me smile.

8. HotelChain has allowed me to meet some really special peeps that I am super close with.  Hi Ericka, Panda, Sunny, Tisa, Kristen, Meredith, Robert, Nell, Sonya and Jennifer.  Love you guys!

9. Working at HotelChain allows one to pick up some quite handy travel-sized Bath and Body Works items, when needed. Of course, it's bad to steal but they can part with a couple of hand creams when I've booked over $100,000 in business in one program.  But don't tell them I said that, k?

10.  Having lunch paid for by HotelChain.  Like when you take a client out.  Except that during said lunch, you and client (who is more like your friend than a client) spend 1.5 hours chit chatting and gossiping and approximately 30 seconds discussing business (any upcoming meetings? no. ok thanks.  where were we?).  Thanks HotelChain!

HotelChain and I aren't doing so well.  I feel that the time has just about come for us to part ways.  It's quite sad, as they are the only place I've worked since college and I've grown up a lot with HotelChain.  But HotelChain is turning into an abusive lover lately, and I just can't take it anymore.  Wanna know what scares me most?  I want a new job that's not in sales or in the hotel industry.  Unfortch, my experience doesn't translate over that well into the business world.  Scary.

Well, I must get onto working on that resume.  Wish me luck!

On and on and on and on...

**I swear I had a really great, meaty post written for you today, but the HOTELCHAIN Gods must have been spying on me and jinxed the post before I could save it.  Damn those HOTELCHAIN Gods!**

On Death: I am back from Texas for my BIL's funeral.  My sister's somewhat estranged husband passed away on 7/3, alone, in his apartment.  I traveled to TX to be with her and the kiddos.  I don't want to go into too many details, but I will say this.  Mourning is a complex thing.  Especially when you find yourself mourning for the way that person used to be, say about 4 years ago, not really for the person they were in their final days.  And what about the joyful relief knowing that person will no longer cause harm to themselves or anyone else (mentally and emotionally), and won't have to suffer any longer.  Dealing with death is no joke.

On Knitting: Jakey's sweater is finally done!  With the cutest Beatrix Potter "Peter Rabbit" buttons!

Isn't it so cute?  It's making its way to Chicago tomorrow!  Can't wait to see it on him!

I've also been working on some Jaywalkers in some hand-dyed yarn from Brooklyn Handspun in colorway Chocolate Covered Cherries.  They are coming out fantastically!  And I decided to take my mom's advice and start them both at the same time, to avoid the dreaded SSS (second sock syndrome) that will surely strike otherwise.

Aren't those colors great?  And I am even getting a little striping action too!  Marie's yarn is great, if you are wondering.

On Inspiration:  Have you seen LollyGirl's Weigh Down blog entries?  If not, get over there right away and congratulate this gal on her weight loss!  She's a great inspiration!  Bike riding, swimming, eating right, etc! 

On Life: I had this great post about being at a crossroad in my life, but I am not feeling quite like re-typing it.  I will save it for another (soon) entry.  But it's all good and I am very excited to share it with you.

On My Readers:  I know I've lost some readers here lately, since, quite frankly, my posts have been crap for awhile now.  But I am back on track.  I have been, except that death thing threw a huge curve ball into my life.  But I am excited to be back to blogging more regularly.  Please stay with me.  I am a bit of a "comments whore," too!  Just keeping it real, y'all!

Stay cool and hydrated!

If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

I had a glorious post for you today and I lost it before posting.  Someone shoot me.

Where o' Where Has My Knitaholic Gone?

Greetings, to the few of you that might still be snooping around here to see if I am posting.  I am alive, and knitting, believe it or not.  Mr Wonderful and I just got back from Chicago and I am beat!  Work is crazy, since HotelChain wants to suck every ounce of life from me by wearing me out with dumb shit.

BUT!  I am going to Riviera Maya in a couple of weeks.  The hunky hubster and I are staying here and I can't wait.  Y'all, it's all inclusive.  AND, adults only!  Woo hoo!  I apologize to any of you with kids, and don't get me wrong, I love kids.  But not on vacation.  When I am trying to read some trashy ass fine literature.  It isn't particularly relaxing to me to get splashed in the face while ordering something from the swim up bar.  Or to get bonked in the head by someone's beach ball.  Or get smacked in the ass by a pool noodle thingy by a little someone running to the pool and screaming at the top of their lungs.  And don't get me started on the whole dining experience...

Uh, hi!  Are you still there?  Did I scare you off w/ my rant?  It's soooo obvious that the closest thing I have to kids right now are 3 cats and a husband, huh?  Sorry 'bout that.  So yeah...SO EXCITED!  I swear I will have some pics up soon.  I've just been knitting like crazy.  Oh, and the weekly Spinning and cardio kickboxing classes don't leave me much time for evenings in front of the Internets.  Have faith in me though!  I'll be back, soon!

Getting Back in the Saddle

Hi all!

Remember me?  You know, that girl who used to knit and blog about knitting and life in general?

Well, hang on to your grannie panties, cuz she's back...

**cue John Phillip Souza style marching music**

So yes, I decided to post a little, teeny something more than a meme.  I am hoping you all are as excited about that as I am (please say yes, please say yes).  I realize that I've been on a little somewhat interesting content blogging hiatus.  I've been in a bit of a knitting funk, and also a blogging funk.  After I finished that first sock for my Sockpaloooza pal, I got SSS something fierce.  Fierce, I say!  And the commissioned OSW has been breaking my little knitting spirit.  Plus, I am working on a baby blankie that keeps getting tossed to the side because of the aforementioned projects. 

All that bad knitting karma caused me to drop the needles for a couple of weeks. 

Um, hi?  Are you still there?  Yes, you did read that correctly.  Knitaholic Skylar knit about 2 total rows in about 2 weeks.  And because I was all funky about knitting, I haven't felt like blogging about the lack of progress until now.

Why?  What's changed?

Well, for one thing, those Sockpaloooza socks are due, um... May 2nd!  Nothing like a little fire under the ass to get the creativity going, right?  Not much has changed since the college days of writing a 10 page paper w/ a bibliography in a day.

Most importantly, I started to crave the feeling of those needles going in my hands.  It took me a few rows to remember how good it felt and how good I felt about doing it.  The more I knit, the more I realized that I had been craving it. 

I liken this feeling to working out.  At first you might not enjoy it so much. But if you make yourself go, eventually you get to enjoy the way it makes to feel, both while you are doing it and when you aren't.  And of course, if you slack for a week or get sick, it's soooo hard to get back into the groove.  But once you get back in there, you realize what you've been missing.  And you think to yourself "damn, why did I stop doing this?"

Am I making sense?  I hope so, because I am just realizing all of this as I type.  I hit the gym again after a week hiatus (bad cold w/ icky congestion) and it feels so good.

Soooooo....after all of this, I am back to knitting.  To live out loud and have some accountability, here is my UFO cue:

1. Finish second Sockpaloooza sock and ship (by May 2nd)

2. Finish Amanda's OSW by May 12 for her birthday (Dammit, she's waited long enough)

3. Finish baby blankie for my new Chicago cousin, Jake Brayden

4. Secret baby knitting project

I am vowing...no more damned commissioned/dealine/gift knitting for a bit (with the exception of Camille's Lelah).  The Green Gable Knitalong starts May 1st, and I am really yearning for a little something for myself right now.

That's all for now.  Sorry no pics, but I will have lots soon, as I finish up my UFOs.  Thanks for sticking around!

Wiki-me, Wiki-me, Wiki-me, Momma!

Wiki-meme

Do a Wikipedia search of your birthdate, minus the year; list three interesting events, three people who were born, and three people who died on that day.

Events:

1812 - An earthquake destroys Caracas, Venezuela.

1976 - A Dictatorship of Terror begins in Argentina. As a result of the state terrorism, thirty thousand people are murdered. Their final whereabouts remain unknown.

1999 - The "Melissa worm" infects e-mail systems around the world.

(y'all, my March 26 was an evil day)

Births

1944 - Diana Ross, American singer (Supremes)

1948 - Steven Tyler, American musician (Aerosmith)

1985 - Keira Knightley, English actress

(lots of peeps I have heard of have my bday...pretty neat-o)

Deaths

1892 - Walt Whitman, American poet (b. 1819)

1920 - William Chester Minor, American surgeon and contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary (b. 1834)

1995 - Eazy-E, American rapper (b. 1963)

About me

Warning: This post is not knitting related in any shape or form.  It deals with very real, raw personal stuff.  If you aren't interested, then I'll catch you on the B-side.  If you've chosen to stick around to know a little more about me and to share in my personal growth, then read on...

I am not perfect, never will be...not even close (I know, horror of all horrors).

And I think I am finally coming to a place where I can be OK with that.  For some time now, I've been so worried about others accepting me and my faults.  But hello?  What about the most important thing?  Me accepting myself and my faults.

I had a major epiphany this weekend, while my gal E was in town (yes, I know, I am supposed to post pics, and I will...later).  I've been comparing myself to Mr Wonderful in some ways, but Mr Wonderful is not perfect either.  Where Mr Wonderful is stronger (money, self discipline, eating right), I am weaker.  And where Mr Wonderful is weaker (being social, eloquence in speaking, cleaning house), I am stronger.  And Mr Wonderful, in case you are reading this, I am in no way stating that I am perfect in my areas of strength (remember, I just said I wasn't perfect), but that those areas come to me with, perhaps, a bit more ease.

Can I just share that I am very, very proud of myself for finally coming to a place where I can stick to a workout?  I won't say that every workout is the sweat-inducing, heaving workout seen on The Biggest Loser, but a workout is a workout in my book.  It's the consistency that counts.

You know, 2005 was supposed to be my year.  Mr Wonderful and I laid out some plans and actions and I was ready to go for it.  A day and a half later, he had a seizure at 1:20am, which put a huge dent in my shiny, happy little motivation van (which of course, is a VW and is light blue with leopard print interior).  2005 became all about Mr Wonderful and what was going on in his head, quite literally.  I took off work and left early to pick him up  and take him to a zillion doctor appointments.  The researching and processing of information was consuming.  Fielding calls from all the people who care was appreciated, yet exhausting.  I don't regret one milisecond of the time and effort I put forth to make my husband comfortable and be strong for him, but the emotional rollercoaster was wicked.  Still is...

So now here we sit, almost a quarter into 2006 and Mr Wonderful is healthy and things are mostly back to normal.  Except that not a day goes by without me flashing back to the "seizure day."  I can see it like it is happening in front of me.  Each day I look into my husband's eyes and I can remember the look of horror and confusion he had while the EMTs stood looking over him, asking him his name that night.  I shudder when I drive by the hospital that kept him in the Emergency Room for 12 hours until they had a bed.  The MRI and CT films are slumped on the floor, in the corner, by the computer.  Each day, at least 3 times day, I pray that my husband comes home to me in the same condition he left.  Mr Wonderful doesn't understand my stress or my anxiety.  And up until this point, I haven't been able to shake it off...

Until now.  2006 is going to be about me.  Just warning you, is all...

Going Backwards

I realize a post from me is LOOOONG overdue and I swear I'll have some real content soon.  I've been visiting with my gal pal, Ericka, from Texas all week.  Pics and 'tails to come...

So, um, this pisses me off to no end...(it's about abortion rights, so be forewarned)